FELT: Tearing the Fabric of America

God said: 'Adam and Eve', not Adam and Sleeve! We are all united in a common struggle: to protect America from the Rags, the Hand Jockeys, the Felts... these workers of iniquity that are heinous mockers of all that is Right and all that God has created. Do not be fooled by their pleasing, colorful outer shells, their often merry demeanor, or their uncanny ability to force children to smile. They are cut from a different cloth: the cloak of sin. Take heed! Our country's very moral fiber is at stake. Know Your Rag! A rag hiding in a crowd of normal, God-fearing creatures can be easily identified by exhibiting the following characteristics: spontaneous singing or dancing; affected, exaggerated speech or motion; inability to blink; 'bobbling' instead of walking; often clad in bright colors; over-exaggerated facial features; missing lower half of body or their legs hang limp; impaled on human hand; travel in groups that include talking animals or celebrity guests.