Programming to Die For

In a world full of coffee shop intellectuals without jobs, telemarketers who call at 7 AM on Saturday when he's hung over, and those horribly annoying Chili's Baby Back Rib commercials, one man nearly lost hope... until he realized, "Why kill yourself when there's a really cool nature show on T.V.?" If you think about it, there's an unlimited number of petty reasons to kill yourself. Even Chili's jingles, though they rattle around your head for about a week each time you hear them, aren't really a good motive to end your life. In the end, all of these reasons serve as a smokescreen for something else lacking in your life. Such is the case for Fred, the hero of our movie. Gun in hand and pressed against his temple, Fred stops himself when he hears a voice from his television, "Coming up next on the Animal Geographic Channel... the first ever live footage of the rare and elusive Giant Squid." This is actually true. To date no one has ever caught a Giant Squid on film. So, realizing what a momentous event this is and that he can't die before seeing the program, Fred puts down his gun--at least until the end of the show. Of course, as luck would have it, the squid program is only part one of the Sea 'Monsters of the Deep' series, so Fred has to postpone his death again. This pattern continues as Fred slowly finds what was missing in his life--really cool nature shows.