Waxworks Owner Fumes at Closure

It's a slow news day, but slow news is good news, unless you're Gareth Danger; hapless owner of a doomed waxworks museum, due to be closed for being a fire hazard. Gareth's anguish is further compounded by a broken heart and a faulty Mick Hucknall 'action' exhibit. Livelihoods are at stake, along with Gareth's relationship with long-term love Julie Perplexed. Who will get custody of the LPs and their custom-built Sylvester Stallone? A bedsit is no place to be alone unless, of course, your tenancy agreement forbids dual occupancy. Live at the scene is mercurial reporter, Malcolm Please, intrepidly bringing the events of the day into your eyes and ears. Nobody could report on a story so momentous with the same heart-wrenching pathos. Well, not with the ability to wrap up just in time for the weather.