Realizing they are already in their 30s, best friends, Eddie and Trevor, fear they will die as virgins. So how do they decide to solve their dilemma? By making an action movie of course and filling it with gratuitous love scenes featuring themselves and hot actresses. However, since their knowledge of women rivals that of the average ten year-old boy, they enlist a sleazy, albeit resourceful, British (or is it Australian?) pimp named Nigel to assist with their project. Without a script or even a film title they manage to find their hot actress in Julianne, who gets the part just for showing up. Nigel gets a crew together that includes his animated cousin Felix (who shoots doggy style porns), mousy Katerina (who rapes Trevor with her eyes at all times) and possible serial killer Marko (who, in his own words, can hold a fuckin' boom mic over his head for hours, but would rather spend his time hating just about every nationality there is, including his own most likely.) With virtually no budget, the crew is forced to double as actors in multiple roles alongside Eddie, Trevor and Julianne in their over-the-top action epic, now titled Smoking With Abe Lincoln. Eddie is Sanchez, a metro-sexual detective, who is trying to maintain his well kept appearance while bringing down the villainous, accent-changing Count McMillions, played by Trevor, with the help of Julianne, as Leclaire, the deadliest woman on the police force with a never ending supply of useful gadgets hidden in her cleavage. McMillions gets some assistance from Katerina, playing the sinister assassin, Angel of Death (who is supposed to be hot but isn't) and Sanchez is further backed up by Nigel in the role of Rookie, a faithful but disruptive partner with a severe listening problem. Everything from ninjas, outrageous accents, gun play, skin moisturizer and frying pans to high-speed car chases explode on the screen. Okay, there aren't any car chases but there ARE cars. As the climatic love scene gets closer though, the two friends argue over who will finally get their big sex scene moment with Julianne. They eventually come to a mutual agreement, but fate has already stepped in and settled the situation for them. No matter who ends up in the scene, Smoking With Abe Lincoln promises to end with a bang! Not that kind of bang...sicko!
