A couple separates. A relationship manifests similarity & difference between us. There is projection, transference & counter-transference. We wear our essential difference on the inside. This is why we experience others as different. In reality we are all the same: each is different from oneself. Why some relationships work and others don't? Perhaps it all depends on the perspective of each of the partners, not so much of the other person, as of oneself. When a self is understood as essentially a relationship to self, acceptance of others as they are may become possible. If I fail to recognise myself in you, then I cannot relate to you, let alone be in a relationship with you. In today's world of high speed communication, it is becoming more and more difficult to relate to others' differences from ourselves. We always fail to recognise that their differences are very much like our own.